Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
