k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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