Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I am one with the molecules
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
