I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
