the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
