based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
