I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
