girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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