Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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