Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
