Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
