Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Drunk is not a location!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
