Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
