how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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