That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
