this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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