Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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