Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
