It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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