They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
how does that bad decision feel?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
