Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize