thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
