yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
