tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
