take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
