you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
