My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
