So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
