Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
