No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
