Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
