so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
