Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
