She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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