If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just had sex on a roof
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
