it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
