I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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