That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
