Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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