Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
