But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
