i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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