this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
