I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
