Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
What a dumb baby whore.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
