So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize