Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just invented taco cereal.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
