if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
