You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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