So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
