His hands were made for my vagina.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
i've created a new STD.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
