life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
