i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
