remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
