coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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