i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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