I need to stop coming to work sober
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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