okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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