First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
