I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
