k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
