Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
