I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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