sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
