Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
