Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
