My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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