Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Let's get the cat blown out
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
