I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
