based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
