# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Green mimosas i think yes
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
