shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize