New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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