Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
