She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Randomize
