i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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