Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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