oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
