We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
