then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
