On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
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