I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
