i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
