I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
splinters make it hard to masturbate
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
