Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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