I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
