Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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