no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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