i need an iv and a liver transplant
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
