So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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