in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I intend to get homeless drunk
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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