What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
