worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
