I'm sorry my penis didn't work
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
