FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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