i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Randomize
