Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
