you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
