What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
