The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize