I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
