It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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