i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
