he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
