I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
