I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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