She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
